put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
