Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
