2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
