I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We need to get me chipped asap
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
