I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
