Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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