Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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