When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My ass is underappreciated
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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