so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
