And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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