Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
