We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
NoShamevember. You game?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
