YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
