I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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