Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
