just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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