I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
