separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
