YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
