I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
