If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
