i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
