You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
