how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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