This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
