Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
