But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
