i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
