I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
