A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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