i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
