What did we do last night that was yellow?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
