I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
