I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
