Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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