Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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