i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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