Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
