Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
