Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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