Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
