But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
