You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
