im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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