So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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