I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
