Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
