Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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