I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
