he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
