I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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