Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
