Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
